I Had an Emotional Relapse | The Rewired Soul

I Had an Emotional Relapse | The Rewired Soul


what’s up everybody it’s Chris from the
rewired soul and all that jazz obviously something a little bit different I
didn’t do the intro and all that because I want to start doing videos where I
just sit down and chat with all of you I talked about this a little bit in the
video the I did a week ago maybe about how I hate getting vulnerable and
something I’m pushing myself to do more because like I’m on this mental health
journey with all of you as well so a couple promises all right like I got the
idea to make this video because I was driving home and I just got it
I got kind of choked up and a little emotional so I’m gonna do my best not to
cry I’m not really a crier if you want zoologists it cause I’m a man ain’t
afraid to admit that I cry sometimes all right bye anyways I got super emotional
about it just thinking about it but anyways this video might start off kind
of like bummer whatever but I promise you it will pay off at the end all right
so yeah let’s talk about an emotional relapse this is something that I and
it’s a it’s crazy too because like these are things that my brain tells me not to
open up about not to be honest about not to be you know just talking about with
all of you right and I do it you know not only for myself but hopefully
inspire all of you and maybe my story and my experience can help some of you
but anyways emotional relapse the first time I heard about this was when I first
got sober so those of you who don’t know I’m seven year sober I got sober on my
27th birthday back in 2012 and we all know what a relapse is like for a drug
addict throughout the whole I could be me drinking or using so what the hell is
an emotional relapse so my experience when I first heard about this like I was
you know the the sort of recovery was rough it was rocky like when you first
get sober like like when you take the drugs and alcohol away from a drug
addict we get crazier than we were on the stuff right but then you know
hopefully you start working a program you start healing your mind calms down
all the drugs and alcohol get out of your system
hopefully you figure out a better way to live and everything starts getting
better right and not only do things start getting better for you but you
start becoming a better person like people actually like being around you
and stuff like that you know what I mean
that’s why I was there were so many just big moments in my early recovery I
remember like I remember it like it was yesterday I remember a guy who was in my
sober living and he moved out and then he saw me a few months later and he’s
like oh my god Chris he’s like I never seen you smiling before right and things
like that were a big deal to me because I was so miserable and just everything
in my early sobriety but I start to get better and I started to be better and I
started to act better right and there comes a point sometimes in recovery
colors the pink cloud or everything it’s got all hey you know what I mean
and we want to scream it from the rooftops how glorious sobriety is but
yeah one of the issues with that you know pink cloud or things starting to
get really better and you doing well is you can get hit with this kind of like
complacency and stop doing the things that you’re supposed to do so for me
like when I started doing better and things of my life started getting better
and you know things with my friends and family were getting better people
weren’t hating me anymore I was like I got this
and I started or stopped rather doing the things that I was supposed to do
right I stopped checking in with myself I stopped you know living this life that
I was taught to live and talk to lead and be of service to others and you know
think of other people before myself quit being so selfish and self-centred like
all these things started to fall to the wayside and I started to just become a
mess again like a thing about addiction is something I teach especially when I
talk about the first step is you take the drugs and alcohol away we can still
have a very unmanageable life right but anyways things started going bad and
like just my life started getting chaotic again and like I I just started
feeling awful and terrible and some of you know the phrase like the spiritual
malady like there was just something in me that was hurting and you know and it
was weird because everything was going so well for a long time
and you know and I was talking to my mom about it who’s also in recovery and
she’s I yeah Krish is like I’ve been noticing your behaviors and I think you
had you know we call this an emotional relapse right so I went off the rails
emotionally I’m like oh god you’re right I had to dive back in and do what I
needed to do right so what the hell does this have to do with this well those of
you who know like this has been a very rough year for me right like I went from
just being sky-high to just rock bottom you know and I wish
it was just something as simple as just you know Sue’s YouTube or whatever but
it was more about like my passion in life which is trying to help people you
know what I mean and you know when everything happened to
me just by imposter syndrome really kicked in like oh my god maybe you know
that voice in my head is right and I’m not you know who I think I am and I’m
this awful terrible person and I suck at what I do and then you know like it’s
crazy how the ego works too because you have this imposter syndrome but then you
have this ego just like no you’re this shit and screw everybody else Chris
right and for six months and I talked about this in my video about how I had
that clarity about how I wasted six months but for six months I was just
fighting and fighting and fighting I was fighting against everything and everyone
and just fighting this battle and like and it was such a waste right and that
was another emotional relapse I had this emptiness in me and thank God I sat down
like to record this video like i I’ve been critical of people who say YouTube
is therapy for me I’m like now therapist therapist right like I get what they’re
saying but I do think that you should have a therapist as well you know a
therapist will solve all not solved but they will help you with a
out of your problems again just hop on here but anyways had I not finally got
on here and I said what I said would with some of you remember well I said
like I lost my passion for helping people I lost my passion for mental
health I’m just you know I don’t want to help you and like just verbalizing kind
of putting it on YouTube it just it’s now me out of it and you know things
have been going so much better the last few weeks with just everything but
mostly inside here right and inside here I feel so much better and like I wanted
to sit down and record this for a couple reasons
and the primary reason is and this is where I get a little emotional so I’ll
try to hold it in but man like I cannot put into words how much I appreciate all
of you right like even if you’re new I appreciate you but like the real ones
who have stuck by me and the new ones you’re not not the real ones you’re the
real ones too but I mean like when I went through everything this year I lost
tens of thousands of people like that’s no joke tens of thousands of people but
some of you sat and waited for me to come back and be Chris again and I’m
sitting here and I like I said I started getting emotional while driving home I’m
like man like they stuck by me they just sat there and watched me go through this
whole thing and just waiting for me to come back and return and be me and just
get that passion to talk about mental health again and try to help people and
you guys stuck around and like a lot of you who are new to like I appreciate the
fuck out of you as well because something that happened when everything
went down whenever I meet new people whenever new people come to my channel
or whatever I have to sit there and wonder and say are you one of the
hundreds of thousands of people who saw people talking shit about me right like
you know what I mean and all these things but like those of you who are new
and you saw that stuff and you’re like in your own opinion or you’re just like
whatever you know like I appreciate that and like you know as much as I try to
help all of you I just can’t express enough how all of you helped me as well
and my mental health journey I never ever ever ever want to ever make it seem
like I’m perfect and I figured everything out I just have a lot of
experience but you guys help me as much as I hopefully help you and you guys are
a very crucial part of this right and you know obviously like Tristan dealing
with my crazy ass for the last six months and seeing me like just fighting
and fighting and fighting and you know all this other stuff and like something
that I’m working on right now is I’m trying to let go because I now that I
have this clarity the guilt is coming in and that’s like what you know like even
though I didn’t have like a relapse like a drug another we laughs out emotional
relapse that guilt like oh my god what did I do and I feel so bad that I’ve put
you guys through that for so long but like no it’s testing new things with
content and trying to do more commentary and then like I finally realized like it
felt empty to me just giving my opinions on just random things happening you know
what I mean but yeah I feel like guilty about that but something I’m working on
I hope this is something that you guys can learn you know through my journey as
well is I’m trying to let go of that right like I have to think and put
myself in your shoes like if you stuck around here this long I doubt you want
me to sit here and just beat myself up over that but I’m so grateful and part
of it when I was driving home thinking about it was just like now that I’ve
switched gears back to my passion of talking mental health and trying to help
people like you guys have been so receptive to it you guys have been so
kind and just loving and it it has warmed my heart in a way that I haven’t
felt since like the beginning of this year
and I’m so grateful for all of you and like I’m so happy that we’re rebuilding
this community like all of you you know not just in the YouTube comments but
those of you who follow me on Twitter and Instagram like my my passion is back
at my Mojo’s back and my ideas are back and I’m doing stuff like like it might
seem stupid to other people but like that Spotify playlist that I started and
I posted it everywhere and said hey give me a song you guys doing that and some
of you listening to it too and liking the idea like that fucking means a lot
to me you know what I mean and I’ve been asking you guys questions and I
announced on you know Twitter and Instagram and I think on the community
tab that had this really big mental health project that’s in my mind that
I’m gonna I’m gonna get kicked off really soon I think this weekend I’m
gonna strategize in a bit but you guys were so receptive to that and I had
people reaching out offering to help me moderate you know and everything and you
know and now that I’ve gotten back into this whole like mental health groove you
know I’m getting just so many kind of messages and emails and you guys who
have been reading the blogs like when I read blogs and I know what it’s gonna
read this shit right but you guys have been leaving comments on the blog I’ve
been getting emails and everything if I haven’t gotten back to you yet don’t
worry I will oh I still have some DM said I gotta get through but I feel I
feel more like old Chris again and the last thing I want to say aside from
aside from another heartfelt apology and how much I all of
you is just it’s just this and I hope you guys can learn from what I’m trying
to do now which is just put those fucking blinders on and tune out all of
the noise like people are still coming into the comments talking shit talking
shit on social media and stuff but I am just laser focused on my mission to help
people you know what I mean and and I I let these people get into my head
for six months and that was way way too long so if you guys have something in
your life that you’re passionate about like laser focus on it and tune out all
of the bullshit I’ve been feeling so much better and I appreciate all of you
so much more because I see how grateful you are for it and now it’s like I want
to work three times as hard as I was because because I got six months of the
bullshit I was doing to make up to all of you so thank you for sticking with me
and let’s do this shit together and improve our mental and emotional
well-being and it’s gonna be amazing alright so thank you once again I love
you all so much I can’t put it into words if I could I would just if I was
if I was a millionaire I would just give everybody one of these pallets you know
I would just go and maybe have to do that thing that they did where they cut
out the roof of Jeffery stars are just jacket for all my recent soldiers out
there and stuff I’m kidding Jeffery don’t send like your Secret
Service after me or whatever if you see this Oh
but anyways I’m rambling now but again thank you guys so much and and yeah we
got some cool stuff coming up I’ll see you soon

23 Replies to “I Had an Emotional Relapse | The Rewired Soul

  1. Watch my video about why I hate being vulnerable on YouTube: https://youtu.be/5Uq7NmP8aN0

    Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @TheRewiredSoul

    https://twitter.com/TheRewiredSoul

    https://www.instagram.com/therewiredsoul/

    Try the online therapy app I personally use for my mental health: https://tryonlinetherapy.com/rewiredsoul

    (Using this link helps support the channel)

  2. I just started the video, but whatever it is I send you good vibes & a hug!
    Edit: I was here for when they tried to cancel you, but I still think they had no reason & were too harsh on you

  3. Ive been around for a little over a year and I don’t always agree with you but I’m so glad you’re starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
    Life can really throw curveballs but it’s how you pick yourself up and handle it that shows character! I have to keep reminding myself that too bc it is so true.

  4. I've wanted to make videos for YEARS, but have always stopped myself because I think "Who the fuck cares about your opinions, millions are spewing their shit out their every day, why add to it?" But like you said I know that voice is the part of my brain that wants to keep me down. Glad to see you power through, maybe I'll start making content myself after this little pep talk! 😛

  5. I got teary hearing all of this. Thank you for giving us a piece of yourself to help us tackle our mental health. I appreciate your candor and I can’t wait to see more.

  6. I am not the most active when it comes to commenting, but I still follow you and I am so thankful for you. I do not agree with everything everytime, obviously, but that's normal. I still appreciate you and will continue to follow you. I too go to therapy for my issues, of course, but your videos help me as well. Not immediately, I mean, nothing can immediately help, at the end of the day, we gotta do it on our own, but, it's just kinda soothing for me to watch them and hear your input. That being said, I wish you all the best, stay awesome, and leep fighting the good fight!

  7. I wouldn't say the last 6 months were a "waste" it was a time u went through to grow and reflect,
    "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.". Maya Angelou
    I suggest getting out there and doing more outreach, to connect with people IRL, as social media is not reality, real social interaction may help u connect more with humanity.
    Edit: utube often automatically unsubs me from channels, it's a bug

  8. You didn't waste 6 months, you were going through some serious stuff that would've driven most anyone to their knees. Instead of focusing on the 'wasted time', focus on the fact you figured it out relatively quickly.

    I'd give you playlist ideas but I worry people will hate what I'm listening to. But here's one song – K-os – Crabbukkit, always puts me into a good mood when I hear it. It's about how people pull other people down, like crabs in a bucket.

  9. Hugs! We got you lol thank you for being the awesome person that you are! It can be tough sometimes ..I know for me the holidays thanksgiving/xmas are normally pretty tough for me .. My dad passed about 5 yrs ago couple days after thanksgiving and ever since then it's been hard for me to feel the joy of those holidays like I used to.. Like don't get me wrong I have fun and stuff but it just isn't the same without him.. It just kinda feels like somethings missing.. But I try to think of it this way (which normally cheers me up) is his bday is June 11th and my daughter was born June 12th 2018 I think of it as him smiling down on us (as if he knew the what her bday was going to be) he was always a jokester and loved to laugh and play silly harmless pranks on people so thinking of it that way warms me with the memory of his character ❤ it's sad to know my daughter will never get to meet him but just knowing their bdays are so close warms my heart with joy ❤ also inlaws can be scary lol 🎄🎁

  10. I don't comment often, but must say I'm seriously proud of you for sharing this Chris! It's always helpful when you are vulnerable the most (at least for me)! Please don't hold in how you feel emotionally! You help so many more people that way!!!!! I've been here the entire time long before the drama (and as a side note, I miss hearing from your mom too, as I was HER first subscriber when she made a channel!) I send tons of love, prayers and good energy to you Chris! As a P.S., please give a special cuddle to your cat from me! ❤😻👍

  11. Your videos have really helped my son is having a rough time and your words and videos have really helped me to help him so thankyou!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *