His brain, Her brain By Walt Larimore, MD He thinks she talks too much. She says he says too little. You may be surprised to learn the problem is not with their tongues, but with their brains. Communication between husbands and wives can be a challenge that actually grows more difficult as a marriage matures. The differences that draw us together in courtship can begin to divide us in marriage. In fact, as I counsel my female patients, they seem surprised to learn that a man’s brain is simply not structured for long talks; whereas a woman’s brain is designed to process and enjoy extended bouts of verbal communication. When males and females come into the world, the differences in how they hear and speak are already in place. The effect of testosterone in the unborn male changes his brain so that it has fewer and less-connected verbal centers than the female brain. So, it is not surprising that girls develop proficient language skills earlier than boys do. We can see the evidence of these differences by the time children are toddlers. Not only do girls say their first words earlier than boys, but they also tend to speak in longer sentences earlier. These differences are so profound that by 3 years ofage, the average girl has twice the vocabulary of the average boy. What is happening in the brain to cause these differences? Women use specific areas located on both sides of the brain for speech and language functions, while men tend to use just one side of their brains (the left hemisphere) for verbal tasks. When it comes to talking, women are naturally good at it, enjoy it, and do a lot of it. In addition, the neural connections between a woman’s emotional processing and memory centers are larger, far more active, and more strongly connected to the verbal center of the brain than a man’s are. She is designed to connect memories, words, and feelings, so her conversation tends to be laden with emotion and meaning. Not so with men. The biologic design of men causes them to be less likely to identify and communicate their emotions. With a smaller emotional center, men remember fewer emotional experiences than women. Furthermore, the portions of his brain that process emotion are much smaller and much less connected than those in her brain. So, a man’s capacity to feel and express emotions is physically separated from his ability to verbally express them. In conversation, a man is much less likely (or even able) to talk about emotions and generally expresses much less emotional content than the average woman. This fact explains why male conversations are usually filled with facts and devoid of emotion. When my wife, Barb, is upset or concerned about an issue, she wants to talk with someone and vent. When I’m upset, I don’t need to vent verbally. I need to think, not talk. When facing emotional situations or problems to be solved, Barb’s brain is designed to talk to others, while my brain is designed to talk to itself. Functional brain scans show that when a man wants to talk to someone, his left hemisphere becomes active, as though it is searching for a verbal center but can’t find one. Consequently, husbands are not as verbally able as their wives. In addition, the cortical processing areas that men use for solving puzzles or problems tend to be the same regions that women use for emotive processing. So when he’s dealing with a project, a problem, a stress, or an emotion, a man will typically become very quiet. While using his right brain to solve problems or deal with emotions, it is hard for a man to use his left brain to listen or speak. His compartmentalized brain is designed to do one thing at a time; it is difficult for him to solve a problem and converse at the same time. Scans show that when a man is sitting silently, his brain is either at rest or he’s having a conversation with himself. Most women find this incomprehensible— and even frightening—if they don’t realize that this is how a male’s brain is designed to work. It’s almost the opposite of her brain. A woman’s brain is never at rest, and when she is dealing with a problem, she not only wants to talk, but needs to talk. Her conversation with another person allows her to reduce stress and talk through the problem. It’s important for men to realize that, when she does this, she’s not necessarily looking for a solution in the same way he would. The fact is that his brain and her brain perceive the world quite differently and communicate in very different ways. We speak and hear language differently. We mean different things by what we say. As a result, a significant communication gap can open between us and divide us if we’re not aware of our design differences and why they are there. To bridge this communication gap, we need to understand not only how we say what we say but also what the other gender’s brain hears. Coming to recognize and understand our communication and language differences has allowed Barb and me to smile and laugh more as we work to build a stronger marriage. In next month’s article, I’ll share some of what Barb and I have learned about successfully bridging this chasm. Excerpted from His Brain, Her Brain: How divinely designed differences can strengthen your marriage (Zondervan, 2008) by Walt and Barb Larimore. Used with permission. If there is a topic that you would like Dr. Walt to write about, send it to: pshort@tln. com. We regret that we can’t answer individual medical and pharmaceutical questions. For more information, visit www.DrWalt.com. medical news you can use By Walt Larimore, MD Socially Connected People Do Better Before and After Surgery Stressing over an upcoming surgery? Want to minimize the pain and downtime of recuperation? A supportive church family or small group may be just what the doctor ordered. A February 2008 study in the Journal of the American College of Surgeons showed that people with a strong social network have less pain and anxiety both before and after surgery. In addition, they also use less pain medication, spend fewer days in the hospital, are less depressed, and have a higher sense of inner peace and relaxation. Likewise, people with less support may fare worse, which provides a great opportunity for faith healthcare professionals and those in the faith community who want to reach out to those facing surgery or medical procedures. Ginkgo Biloba May Protect Memory A study in the online version of the journal Neurology has shown that taking Ginkgo biloba may delay the onset of cognitive impairment in normal elderly adults. Other studies have suggested that it may help improve memory and other mental functions in people with dementia. However, there’s a downside. The study also found about a 6-percent increased in the chance of strokes and “ministrokes” among Ginkgo users. Ginkgo is among the five most widely purchased supplements in America and may be for you, but given the potential side effects, ask your doctor or pharmacist beforehand.